India is not India anymore? Huh.. What?

Replying this post (https://www.couchsurfing.org/group_read.html?gid=915&post=13969101) and other similar posts I’ve come across in last few days … where people suddenly feel that we have a National shame crisis NOW!

Kindly Note: My post is not intended to directly reply that couchsurfing post or anyone. I am putting my thoughts over the “idea” that now prevails about the shame of India.

So here goes, pasting my reply from the same thread:

A pic from Delhi protests.
Used for illustrative purpose only.
They do mean shame on Govt for not being able to fast-track punish culprits.

Know what.. everyone is going on and on about how India is not India anymore and we earned national shame.. after the Delhi gang rape incident.

Although I sympathize with the girl who passed away + support painful punishment to the culprits, I hate to break it to all you guys that the rape incidents AREN’T NEW in India.

Last couple of days, I see 2 full pages of every newspaper reporting rape/sexual assault incidents.
This is because the topic is hot for them to sell.

Over decades, tribal and rural women have been raped in India.. in name of power, in name of cast, in name of God.
No news channel followed up and got them justice.
Know why?
1. They are rural women.. even if the news carries it won’t fuel up like it will do for an urban woman.

2. Today the youngsters that march and are revolting against Delhi Rape case.. only a few of them are genuine concern… many of them just joined to join.. and some of them I shockingly came across are just there for a different activity in their boring lives.
Only the genuine ones would have done the same for a rural women case… but alas even their knowledge is limited by what media chooses to bring forward.

3. Indians are best self-racist. The media didnt carry the tribal women news because

A tribal woman – pic illustrative purpose only.
She is not a rape victim.

a. A hell she wasn’t beautiful “looking”?.. not fair, not urban.
b. She doesnt have a life style that will appeal any urban youth to feel the urge to fight for them (like how many people will share/tweet on facebook about tribal women rape? who would look similar to someone from Kalahari tribe in Africa)
c. She doesnt have a career that will induce people sympathy like “Oh she was earning”, “oh she was independent”, “oh she was brilliant employee”, “oh she was fun going..bubbly”, etc.,
How many urban youth “connect” with a girl’s life who was probably “just” cutting fodder, feeding her cows and drying cow dung.
People don’t relate their lives to something, they dont feel the empathy. (only a rare few feel that.. and I’ve been lucky to meet some of them in my life)

A rural woman who was raped.

d. Even movie makers are ‘inspired’ by urban stuff.. making movies on urban MMS scandals and sexual assaults.
Rarely someone makes a movie at rural level .. here’s one brilliant Malayalam movie – http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Vasanthiyum_Lakshmiyum_Pinne_Njaanum
which later had remake in Tamil and Telugu too.
I watched the Telugu version first.

Ever visit a police station and see their charts?
The number of rape cases reported per month.. thats just half of what happens.
And since our generation only relies on Media burning news, facebook shares, tweets.. rarely any case reaches momentum like the Delhi one did.

If we Indians suddenly start talking about shame of our country, then lets open our eyes properly… the shame has always been there… hidden securely.
You can should slogans that it is “shame on Govt/Legal System” for not addressing rape cases faster/efficient way,  but if you have to say “Shame India” or “India isn’t India anymore” .. then please think again .. you’re probably being a frog in the well.

Re: Why are Indians obsessed with taking photos of foreigners?

This is a Reply/Follow-Up post for a blogger/CouchSurfer – http://www.justonewayticket.com/2012/12/24/the-reason-why-india-makes-you-feel-like-a-superstar/

or if you’re on couchsurfing read the thread here – Why are Indians obsessed with taking photos of foreigners?

I replied it there already, but felt it could help more people understand parts of what/what-not of India if I put it up here. Hoping after reading this you won’t be caught off-guard (or at least partly) during visit to India.

Also, adding tid-bits I forgot to add when I replied the post on Couchsurfing.

Note: Some people tell me I’m not Indian, probably because the way I live.. I am mentioning this so that you understand that I am not writing this out of “Oh how can she say so about us.. racist” thought 🙂

So here goes:

 

> Why are Indians obsessed with taking photos of foreigners?

Tired of posing for pics?

Not all, but few depending on where you have visited.
If you’re at tourist places, there are always these people who take pics and go back and show in their homes as to
– how pale-skinned you are
– how tiny your dress was
– how stylish you were “although being a woman”
– some take ’em to put it on their facebook and show off.. “look look I know white peepal”

Capturing moments, are we?

Most of these people are semi-urban/rural dwellers.
I, sometimes go social work campaigning in villages, and I get clicked (despite being only a bit avg fair than average Indian skin color).
They click me, my car, they touch the car, we go shoulder-to-shoulder and I do happily pose for pics with kids and any smiley face there. Makes them happy, gives them a moment of smile.. which makes me happy.

Cool pose 🙂

Then again, I see a pic of you allowing people cling to you and take a pic. I am not gonna judge them, but you might want to avoid that next time 🙂
You’ll never know a pervert in between those smiley faces.. who sadly spoil the name of the whole bunch.

Finding something they usually dont see – makes them curious?

However, if you come to Urban areas, like my city / other metros … not many will give a rat’s ass about any foreigner unless you start dancing in full public suddenly.
But yes, you’ll find us being extra courteous if you ask for directions when compared to how Indians will answer each other 🙂

 

> Be careful with street food. Don’t ask for steaks! Better yet, don’t eat any meat!

Meat what?

Again, depends on the place you were eating.
Indian food can be cheap(cost-wise), but usually the issue of hygiene comes in.
Better hygiene, neat food = costly restaurant (most of the times).

There are though good street food places, where due to sensible owners, the hygiene is okayish/good and food tastes great too.
You need to know people who know these places. (not the ones who “claim” to know)

Curious as to which steak you asked for.. Beef?
Then you’d probably have got fatty parts in it.
Get beef only from either a good restaurant or if its street then only from a rush-filled Muslim/Arabic restaurant. They know which parts of beef need to be cooked and which are just fat.

To know what to do with meat needs creativity 🙂

I don’t say this is due to religion, but because they have more experience dealing with beef which in other religious sectors in India consider holy and so zero experience.
Plus, I am a fan of what Islamic people can do with meat.. they know to churn out the best meat dishes and the best way to make meat tasty and finger licking good (I sometimes lick my plate if no one is watching :P) .

 

> Do not tell an Indian that they speak very good English. For some reason, it offends them.

English … huh what?

True.

For long, Indians/Indian education system has considered people speaking fluent English to be “educated”.

Education != English

They have been unaware of the fact that there are many countries where English isn’t spoken and think that all foreigners are ‘English’

Indians worked hard on their English. Even our call center jobs demand American accent/Neutral accent and there was once a time that Call-Center jobs were highly respected because only the best/cool English speakers in the colony would get one. 😕

B-Grade? WTF!

So when you’re telling “most” Indians that you speak good English.. they feel that you assumed that Indians by default are “uneducated” AND also that all this while before you said that sentence, you’ve been considering him/her as “uneducated”. 🙂

I think here many people take pride in their English (not just their weenie)

Chilled Beer perhaps?

porn happens by accident?
Must be the most happening place!

Ugh.. no thanks!

Bet it is.
And pretty stale too.

Let me just drive by pretending I didn’t notice and hoping I dont hit anyone LMAO-ing during driving! 🙂

I got 2 in my home.. except I call them toilets .. not restaurants.

Guess quality of education won’t be less different either.

And people still wonder why many crashes occur on the street before this restaurant?

WELL … Sorta true in couple of hours! …that is if She allows him.

Heck, I have even had people(including my ex) ask me to stop “faking” my English accent … I didn’t give balls about them.. but only for my ex(since I loved her a lot) I tried to “neutralize/Indianise” my accent (which sometimes included saying a word twice.. because I forgot to Indianize it)
Now I end up talking in an Indian accent(which is “fake” for me) when I am with people who will be taken by surprise if I speak my natural one.

Who’s gonna explain people that my accent is due to the fact that I grew at my grandpa’s place who was like a foreigner mind trapped in Indian body?
I don’t bother.

 

> Don’t eat with your left hand… And don’t shake hands or hand stuff over with the left .

Asian culture. Money and stuff is handed over with right.
Doing it with left “depicts” casual attitude or unwillingness.

I eat with left hand and tend to hand stuff with left (I am ambidextrous), but when I see people stare at me.. I quickly shift to right.

Left? Sinner or Special?

Did I mention I am ambidextrous? That’s probably because I was made used to do stuff with my right.. and hence eventually over 25 years my right has more control over stuff than my left.
Although, left is still powerful.

Btw, If I were visiting any country.. I’d try to soak-in their culture first.

For example: I wouldn’t go to Japan/China and use chopsticks with “left hand” .. it is done with “right” as per culture. I even use it with right at home, only because “Hey these guys invented chopsticks.. so I’ll just respect them by sticking to the tradition.. unless its a stupid/illogical/inhuman tradition we’re talking about”

 

> Bring tons of toilet paper!!

Ah aha, that reminds me.. this is one of the reason WHY people dont like you do use the left hand.
Because here, left hand is considered to be used for the un-holy things.. like cleaning ya butt poop, fingering ya nose, cleaning ya ear wax, scratching ya hairs of private parts… and so on (anyone threw up reading this line?)

😉

A shake hand with that?
No thanks!

Whatever he touches next without washing his fingers .. I want away from it.

Yeah bring toilet paper, you wont find it in common stores.. because no one uses them.

Unless of course, you’re visiting anyone who is thoughtful enough to stock some. (I stock for my foreigner friends)
Or let people know to stock some for you before you visit.

How bad do you want it?

 

> Never, absolutely never say that cricket is a stupid and boring game.

Cricket is a Religion in India.
And religions are serious stuff here.

You’ll find many females who are not interested in cricket in India.
You’ll find a few of them are genuinely interested.. and a few become interested because of their male friends.

You’ll almost not find ANY male in India who doesn’t love cricket. There are a rare few though.

It’s not a game, it is a religion here.

Spiritual

Btw, I was interested in cricket during my school.. but, as I grew up, the game looked boring to me, and I found much interesting stuff to do.
Haven’t watched cricket for like 10 yrs now… doesn’t bother me who wins who loses, and if the God of cricket from India retired (although I do respect the fact that he has been ace at what he achieved… I have same feeling for a few other sports ace personalities too who aren’t cricketers).

So Cheers! 😉

 

> Don’t leave your shoes “on” when you enter a house or even think about putting your feet on the table.

Asian culture lady 🙂

Huh! .. did everyone only READ footwear?

And if you see this in a scientific angle.. streets in India aren’t as clean as first world developed countries have it.
And, you’re prone to more “walking” in India .. rather than driving around (where your car mat is the only place feet touches).

So consider you walking over spit and shit of people that they lay on the street and then walk in the house.. ain’t gonna be good for your own health.
Imagine having small kids who might pick up their fallen candy from the floor and eat it (when no ones watching). So now the candy is flavored with feces from outside, not to forget the amount of disease filled bacteria your kid is savoring.

About putting feet on table… again Asian culture.
“Foot” is considered to be that area of the body where younger people will make contact with elders to take blessings/wishes.
So, if you show your foot to elders they will get offended.. its a culture thing… you cannot have your foot in their face.

No one says nice legs 😦

When I am at home (or with like minded people).. I fling my feet on the table, on adjacent bean bags, on anything I find.
But if my mom is walking by, or any elder is walking by (that even includes my maid), I lower my feet.
It’s a small thing to do out of respect, and I have no qualms in doing so.

Yare Yare!

Hell, I’ve even lowered my feet for people whom I have lost respect for. (my ex’s mother to be precise) … which is kinda unlikely of me (You like doing bad deeds and being selfish?.. then you don’t earn respect from me)

 

> Drink a lot of water, but not from the tap!

In India it is better not to drink directly from the tap.

You also cannot eat directly from the container that food is cooked in. Culture again.
I don’t see a logic in it, unless you are sick and hence not do it to avoid other’s getting sick.

But let me give you logical explanation for the tap thing.

I would have not let you drink water from my tap in current apartment. May be I’d have let you drink from my previous apartment or my grandpa’s house.

Know why?

Because the standard of clean water that gets supplied to Indian houses can vary vastly.

I “buy” filtered watercans because in my current apartment tap water aint great.
You will probably end up falling sick if your body immunity isn’t used to fighting half-standard filtered drinking water of India.

 

> Don’t pay the rickshaw driver with a $50 bill and expect change

Was it this auto-rickshaw?
You owe him another 50 then 🙂

Hell, even we don’t get proper change back even if we give Indian rupees 😦 .. with dollars what do ya expect lady! haha 🙂

Anyway, here’s why.

1. Most people think foreigners are filthy rich

2. Any one who hands them dollars, must probably be having a Uncle Scrooge (duck tales) type treasury chest… they don’t need change back… they are being generous and offering us money.

Oh you’re a foreigner.. you probably must be diving in money everyday!

It also matters the way/style in which you fling the dollar note at them.. it can mean “keep the change poor man”
Hell yeah! thank you Goddess 🙂

Um.. where do you do this?

 

> On the beach: Even if it’s tempting, don’t use cows lying on the beach as a backrest. Just… don’t!

COWS are GODS in India (at least for Hindus)
and % of hindu population in India is highest.

Cow’s GOD form.
Hell if Naruto can transform into 9 tailed fox and Saiyans can transform into Apes.. then this is nothing.

People expect respect and fear of God here.
How dare you go rub your back to a God… you .. you.. filthy daughter of Satan 😉

So what if you’re hot.. you dont get to touch our Gods… back off girl. 🙂

LMAO .. I enjoy myself writing stuff about stuff that irks the logic of my brain. hahah 😀

Anyway, if I were travelling to a country where lets say snakes were considered God (hmm snakes are Gods in India too), I wouldn’t go telling people that I ate one.. or go rub my ass on a snake… it’ll probably dig its fangs on my bums anyway 🙂

 

> Leave your Bikini and all the other skimpy clothes at home. Indians are not used to seeing that stuff.

Sadly, even Indian women think twice/thrice or even don’t wear them.. because

1. Density of perverts is high

Dedicated Beach Ogling?

The game is happening here!

2. Yes people are not used to (The more body of a woman visible in public, the more bad they are considered)
3. Because of (1) and (2), even people who aren’t perverts end up staring at you.. because its un-usual around here.. and you’re showing them something they’ve never seen in their life. ~o.O^

“I want that” eyes!

4. Many stupids have the ill-logic that the more skimpier the clothes, the more hornier the woman is.. and is inviting sex. There are many cases of sexual assaults and rapes in which convicts/people claim that it got induced because Men couldn’t control their sexual urges watching parts of body they haven’t seen/rarely seen and had no conscience that it is wrong.

May be we should break the face of people who have such levels of ‘stupidity’ .. Sigh!

Heights of educated stupidness

This is the sad state of my country.

 

> And then, of course I watched Slumdog Millionaire on the plane. I was assuming I knew everything about Indian culture. Holy cow…
Note: She mentions later this was a joke. I read it as one too 🙂 and all my answers are written light heartedly.

W00T!

What? W00t!

I just fell off my chair 😕

By that logic, I expect everyone to be flying and doing kung-fu in China 🙂

Take that! 😛

Like where is it ever written that a movie “Slumdog Millionaire” is the reference for Indian culture? !!!

I watch Japanese movies/Anime a lot.. thats a ton of hours more than a mere 2 hour movie and I will never make a mistake of thinking that I know all about Japanese culture from the movie/anime.
That’s one of the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard 😉 (sorry for using word ‘stupid’)

Indian culture is freaking VAST.. living 25 yrs here and I wouldn’t still claim I know all of it.

Holy Cow Holy hell yeah!

 

> But then I noticed that the same guy I posed for a photo with two minutes ago had also asked an old, fat white lady behind me to pose too. I’m not 18 anymore, but still. That hurts.

OK, now that is very very sad that you felt that way.

I am happy that, that guy wasn’t a pervert and he did click with an “old”, “fat” lady too.

I am not sure why you assumed that people clicked pics with you since you are “young(er)”

🙂

If a lady is intelligent, kind or good person.. I’d rather choose to have a pic with her regardless of whether she is old, fat, bald, grandma, ‘so-called ugly superficially’, rather than have a pic with a perfect ‘ass to breast ratio’ supermodel who has none of those qualities at heart/brain.

Hehe, I guess end of my answers.. good to know you had awesome/weird fun while in India. hahaha 🙂

 

Kindly Note:
All my answers have been written light heartedly.. I dont see a reason to be serious on either about her blog / post.

It happens and it could happen to me too if I suddenly landed in a country with different culture / didnt have time to prep up myself. I write in a hope that someone will help me similarly someday 🙂

I blog this so that any foreigner/CSer can help themselves.

Also, Feel free to ask me if anyone has any doubts on your future visits 🙂
I’ll answer them happily (within the limits of my tiny knowledge) when I find apt time.

Can a woman rape a man? Is it time to cut down my facebook friends’ list?

Well, this may not be a great post to start 2013 with.. but that doesn’t deter me from writing facts slaying misconceptions.

How did I end up choosing this topic?
It’s new year, and there is fireworks going all around.. while I’m working on some stuff from my apartment(call me loner, heartbroken, unsocial.. whatever), reading couple of gaming articles, etc., when a notification of a bike ride  pops up.
Bikers in my city are group riding to create awareness and change of attitude about women. (probably the aftermath of recent Delhi Gang rape case where the victim died in hospital undergoing treatment)

Real Men Don’t Rape.
Very True.
I personally believe you don’t have a right to force your wife/girlfriend/partner to have sex with you.
And yes, that’s law too.. I read so later.

I googled around to see what the Law is doing with the culprits in this case. I personally recommend a brutal punishment.
My heart goes out to the victim of this and any rape case. The brutal nature of this particular one and some others in past have sent shivers down my spine just by reading about it.
One thing led to another and I landed on a forum post, where a man shares that he was “sexually assaulted” by a woman who was his guest and he is in split minds whether to report this to the police or keep quiet.. as already his friends acclaimed that “he got lucky” or “he wanted it to happen” and that was hurting him emotionally.

Of the people who replied on that post, only less than 2% were empathizing with him and giving him a suggestion(to get HIV tests done + report to police), while rest of 98% posed questions like “How can that even be possible”, “You did it”, “How can a woman overpower a man unless she is a wrestler”, and “How did she put it in if you didn’t want to” etc., and so forth.

What about Male Abuse?
Fun? Socially Acceptable?
Or educatedly unbelievable?

My blood pressure literally shot up reading the comments of those dim-wits.
On one end, you will empathize if that happened to a woman, and on the other you make fun of it when it happens to a man?

Why this double-standard?!

The answer stuck me… they don’t question; they don’t deviate from what is taught in books or in School. These must be the guys who never questioned How, Why, and When of stuff that they learnt in school.. be it any subject.
Surely, there was a subject on biology/reproduction in junior high/senior high. So what if you didn’t pursue a medical career?… it wasn’t written in textbooks that a woman cannot rape a man.. how did you assume thats true then? Because you never came across it? or may be you never bothered to read anything out side of textbooks/harrypotter/twilight.

Ever picked up a copy of any book that increases your knowledge of science/nature? .. rather than Twilight and Puppy love stories.

And then I wondered, as to, how many people could I be knowing on facebook who shared the Delhi Gang rape news, how many people who blogged about it, tweeted about it, rallied, fought with police, empathized with the girl (which is all good), want severe punishment for the culprits (good again, I want that too) .. but “THINK” that a woman “CANNOT” rape a man?
It’d be a real facepalm moment for me if I came to know in future that I did associate with people who hold such double-standards.

So this is how I arrive at this post. I will simply paste what I replied in that forum.
If you are in my friends list, but are in “How is it possible?” gang of people ..
This serves as an knowledge share – since I believe not everyone is supposed to know everything by default.. but then facts should be shared to help.


*This is a paste of my reply on that thread*

I don't know how I ended up on this thread, but wanted to reply anyway.

Some ask how a woman can "sexually assault" a man...I'll answer them first:

Get your seat belts on, this is gonna be a ride :X

1. Woman overpowering man.
Ans. Can be done. Generally men keep their guard down when it comes to women.
Many other factors such as surprise of a woman attacking a man or getting into a brawl not being common for the man... or woman really being powerful in a fit of rage/lust.

2. Why didnt the man fight back?
Ans.
a. because it was a woman and its confusing / shocking and b. its shocking that you'd expect a lady guest to sexually assault you
c. Bcos if it was a dude, a man would probably punch fist into his jaw.. but if he did the same for a woman.. he is asking for more trouble legally.

3. How can a woman sexually assault?
Ans. You gotta be kidding me right? A sexual assault is not necessarily penetration sex.. it can be forced kissing, grabbing private parts or pulling the man in to take sexual favors on her private parts/body.

4. How can a woman rape? I don't believe it.
Ans. Medically, Just like a woman's body is prone to react to penetration during rape, by secreting vaginal lubricating fluids, allowing penetration to be less painful; doesnt mean she is allowing the rape....similarly even a man can get an erection, even if lets say his privates were being forcibly stimulated.
There could be numerous reasons including that the man may actually be into BSDM in his normal life.. but then THAT doesn't make him consenting to the rape.
His body is reacting, but his mind could still be not wanting it.
You can compare this to scenarios between 2 lovers where in either 1. a male is having sex with his female.. even though he is not in mood, just to satisfy her.. and so ends up not reaching climax.. where as the female reaches climax. or 2. a female not in mood for sex, being stimulated by her male partner and she lubricates and gives in.. could as well as end up having climax.

Just because you have no knowledge of how human body works biologically, doesn't mean that it cannot happen.
It only means you have very little knowledge; doesn't change the way nature works human body.

*End of my reply on that thread*


Need more proof?.. like a news article/medical journal? .. since you might be thinking what does this guy know? In that case please use google/search engines. There are cases.. there is medical explanation (which is complex form of how I answered that forum), there are women who have been jailed for it.

I didn’t have to google to write up this post(except the images I put in this post) because, I have grown up questioning everything that intrigued me, before I can mark things off as logical/illogical.
I spent my school/college years offending my teachers by asking them “Why can’t it be this way.. since ..blah blah my theory about why it can be done another way”.
I keep my mind open to receiving knowledge and I read about stuff, science, nature and how things happen/do not happen rather than being in denial of anything that I haven’t heard earlier.

So for friends who just corrected their double standard after reading this.. or friends who didn’t have one to start with.. you have my respect for using your brains.

And people/friends who are probably laughing at this post, or not willing to accept a fact and correct your unintended/intended double standard.. then please feel free to “unfriend” me.
I don’t like to keep company of people who can laugh at someone’s suffering.