Today, or infact right this moment I sank into a deep feeling of doodling/drawing up a certain figure.
A portrait to be precise, of a girl, holding a big blue-white dolphin plush toy, head tilted 30 deg to right and smiling.
Then an inner voice creeps from behind and asks me “Why”?
And in a flash runs me scenes of pain from past. Also runs me all possibilities/combinations of what could be happening far far away; without me, and with others.
I smash the pencil to the wall and tear up the paper.
He is right.
On a sidenote, I should be really thankful for the personality split.. took me sometime to realize that it happened.. I tried to deny it first…but giving in is more peaceful.
It helps so much.. and so much so that it avoids me from going crazy to end it all.
The image remains an “Undrawn Emotion”.